Quick Stats
Drop #20
Rarity: Rare (like a profitable NFT)
Alignment: Chaotic Opportunist

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Lore
This collectible is forever pitching the next big coin, convinced he’s two trades away from retiring at 25. He’ll show you graphs that look suspiciously fake and swear his Discord group has “insider info.” Equal parts delusional and entertaining, he’s the mate you roast but secretly admire when he actually cashes out once in a blue moon.

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Traits
Green Flags
Always hustling, never boring.
Can explain blockchain… kind of.
Occasionally stumbles into real profit.
Red Flags
Won’t stop saying “HODL.”
Believes memes count as investment strategy.
Disappears for days during a market dip.

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How to Spot IRL
Laptop open on Binance mid-lecture.
Wears merch from coins that no longer exist.
Casually drops “I almost made six figures” into conversations.

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Perks / Special Powers
Passive Aura: Constant background noise of price alerts.
Special Move: Rug Pull (confuses enemies and drains their hope instantly).

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Reminds You Of
That mate who swears he’s building generational wealth but still owes you a coffee.

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You’ve heard enough of his market tips—time to chase the next cursed collectible before he launches another coin.