Candle Profile
Drop #: 01
Wax Type: Cold-pressed soy-coconut blend (mined responsibly, unlike your coins)
Burn Time: As unpredictable as your portfolio (approx. 38–42 hours)
Mood: Delusional optimism with undertones of panic
 
Scent Notes
Top Notes: Burnt ambition, stale Monster Energy
Heart Notes: A whiff of basement servers and broken promises
Base Notes: Desperation with a faint trace of “bro, it’s just a dip”

Vibe Check
Lighting this candle is like joining a Discord pump-and-dump scheme: intoxicating, slightly sad, and guaranteed to make your housemates roll their eyes.

Placement Guide
Best lit: Next to your “HODL” mug, under your Vision Board, or in the empty corner where your Lambo should’ve been.

Reminds You Of
That guy who still calls crypto “the future of money” while Venmo-requesting you for beers.

Don’t just light it. Live it. Another Fume Candle awaits.